I'm feeling a bit on the green side these days. Not green as in uber-wealthy, or green as in "I'm more environmentally conscious that you", but green as in icky, urpy, nauseous. The reason, as you may be surmising, is that I'm pregnant! (You are so smart!)
Yes, you read that right. We're expecting again! I'm about six weeks along, and am once again getting used to the yucky feelings that tend to accompany this part of pregnancy. I've never before "announced" so early, but those of you who know me or who've been reading a while know that my last two pregnancies ended in miscarriage, one last September, and another in January. All that to say, many of you have shared our sorrows, encouraged us, and offered up a wealth of prayers on our behalf. Because of that, we want you to share our joy and ask that you join us in praying for this new little one God has entrusted to us.
I've run the gamut of emotions in the last few weeks. The first several days after we found out, I really struggled with, and often gave in to, fear and worry. I couldn't even let myself think that I'm actually going to have a baby. Pregnant? Yes. Going to have a baby? Doubtful. Erik asked me one night if I thought we will have a girl or a boy this time, and I tearfully said "I just want to have this one." I shared with him my fears, how a thousand times a day I thought about losing another baby, how letting myself get excited was just too painful. He gently exhorted me not to give in to fear, not to feed it, and helped me come up with a plan of action and of prayer to combat the worry.
Since then, by God's grace, I've been doing much better. Of course I still have concerns, but they're not robbing me of the joy I have in carrying a new life. I'm allowing myself to think about the pregnancy progressing and getting to hold this baby in my arms. I know there are no guarantees, but I'm feeling God's peace for today, and trying not to worry about what could happen in the future.
I asked Peregrine one day what he thought we should name this baby. Without hesitation he answered "We should call him Samuel." I asked him why and he said "Because it means God hears. God has heard out prayers!" He remembered that from the story of Samuel in the Bible, and of all the names he could have chosen, that was the one he said!
God has heard our prayers, and yours as well. We're so thankful for all of you who have walked with us and prayed for us the last year, and we ask that you don't stop now! Please continue to pray for us, and especially for this pregnancy to go well. Thanks so much!