Here's a bit of what's going on in our lives:
- It's been five weeks since we found out our baby had died, and four weeks since I went through the miscarriage. I'm getting stronger, but the going has been slow. I still get tired very easily, and even small things like laundry and unloading the dishwasher make me feel like I've pushed myself. I'm trying to spend most of my energy on our family, and thankfully we've had plenty of help so I've been able to. I think this is the first day I've been alone with the kids all day. My midwife said it could take up to a couple more weeks until I really feel my strength has returned fully; I'm looking forward to that!
- Emotionally, I have my ups and downs. The first week the grief was the most intense, and since then it comes and goes. There is a sadness at the loss of a sweet baby we don't get to have and hold in this life, but a comfort too. I'm making a quilt in her honor, something tangible to remember her by, and our midwife is inscribing her name, Esther Hope, on a little porcelain shoe just like she did for us when Peregrine and Alethea were born. These things affirm that Esther was a real and loved, though unseen, part of our family, and will keep her memory visible.
- Peregrine is still having a hard time; he seems to be showing a lot of anger. Some days are better than others and today has been really hard. He has been waking up very early and I wonder if part of what's going on is tiredness. Please pray for us to have wisdom and grace as we walk through each day with him.
- Erik's coffee roasting venture is slowly picking up steam. He was excited to get his first commercial account with Ruthie B's, a fun antique store/cafe. He's busy, in his few spare moments, building his second roaster and keeping his customers supplied with beans roasted to perfection!
- Finally, if you're looking for a movie to watch this weekend, may I recommend Ushpizin? We watched it Monday evening and it's one of those I'm still thinking about days later. It's set in a religious Jewish community in modern-day Israel during the festival of Sukkot (which starts tonight incidentally.) Sukkot was commanded by God in Leviticus 23:41-43. The people were instructed to build sukkots, or booths, to live in for seven days as a remembrance of their dwelling in tents in the wilderness after God brought them out of Egypt. In this film a man and his wife, childless after five years of marriage, have no money to build a sukkot, but they trust God to provide miracles for them. God provides, and also sends then two ushpizin, or guests, for them to provide hospitality to. The men, however, have just escaped from prison, and their presence causes great tests of faith and patience to the couple. It's a beautiful, sometimes humorous, thought-provoking film, and well worth watching. (I give it two thumbs up!)