Tuesday, January 03, 2006
"Old" is such a matter of perspective. When I was little I thought that my grandparents seemed really old, but not my parents. Now that my parents are the age that my grandparents were then, my perception of old is quite different. And as I keep getting older, I have begun to think that old is more a state of mind than an age. Some older people seem young because they are still living life to whatever extent they can; others seem like they've resigned themselves to death.
I turned 30 this last year, and I keep wondering when I'm supposed to feel "grown up". I'm not sure what I thought it was supposed to feel like, but I haven't quite gotten there yet. Sure, I'm married and a Mama to two children, but some days I feel like I'm just playing house. I still make meals, but now they're real; the babies I dress and feed are real live wiggling, laughing, playing children. Maybe I feel young because I play toddler games and read stories all the time, because my constant companions are only three and nine months old. Then again, Three is old enough to say things like "Mom, I need to pull all the white hairs out of your head!" Umm, no, that would take way too long and it would hurt Mama. Are all my grey hairs really that noticeable? Three also said to Erik the other day "Daddy, you have so many lines on your forehead." That's my boy, always the one to notice if something isn't quite the way he thinks it should be.
Hopefully, along with the white hairs, I'm gaining some wisdom as the years go by. My Dad loves to quote that verse about a grey head being a crown of wisdom, and I think I'll hold on to that one too. Some day I'll have long white braids to wrap up around my head like a crown, and I'll weave daisies into them. And that grown up feeling? I hope it never comes.